...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
