It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I believe in your delicious
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
