If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
