I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
