Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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