I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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