I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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