Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
