he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize