Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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