And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
