yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
