My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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