So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
