I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
