Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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