my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
