I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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