It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
