Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't turn off my feet"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
