Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
