it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
