ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My vagina just recognized that song.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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