Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
