I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
