I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize