she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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