That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
