Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
