there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
