it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
