Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
