Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
