Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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