And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
