i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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