so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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