not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
