We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
