the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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