I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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