Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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