What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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