why didn't you poke me back
I just threw up on my dentist
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
