his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
