Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
