Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
