just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
