I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can Purell be used as lube?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
