it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
