Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
