i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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