NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
