ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize