I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
