Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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