You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
