Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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