I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
