I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i think i just lost a toe
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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