I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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