I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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