did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
