once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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