He kissed a someone with a penis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were trust falling into bushes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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