Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
