thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
