And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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