There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
