I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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