You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
