apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
