So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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