his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
