The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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