I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
