i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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